By Fern Tausig
On Your Mind
Fern Tausig
Take a moment and think about this question. Do you define yourself by your job, by your title? Maybe you’re a manager or doctor or a salesclerk. Do you define yourself as a liberal, conservative or independent? Do you define yourself by your gender, religion or race?
Some people define themselves by their emotional state – miserable or happy. Others define themselves by their past experiences.
I have often heard my clients say, “I was brought up to believe….” I have worked with others who have said, “I was always the one who got blamed for everything.” The most disturbing to me is when people define themselves as, “just not good enough.”
Many of my weight management clients define themselves as fat or addicted to carbohydrates. I remind them, “You are not your fat!”
One of my young clients who had been sexually abused defined herself as a victim: empty, dirty and unworthy. We were able to let go of the past and she was able to redefine herself by her strengths and her goals.
What does it mean when you “define” yourself as something negative? It is often an indication of beliefs about yourself that someone else imposed on you. By choosing to define yourself as something negative you set the tone for your life and your outlook on the world.
When you feel negative things about yourself it informs your attitudes and behavior. It becomes your expectation of how you think others see you. You find it difficult to accept compliments or feel worthy of happiness and success.
What if you could choose to define yourself differently? What if you found your most positive qualities and defined yourself by those?
Identify the things you care most about and define yourself by those. For example, maybe you care about the environment or about equal rights. You could define yourself as an environmentalist or an activist. If you like nature or animals, you could define yourself as a nature or animal lover.
Remember, a belief is just a thought you repeat over and over again. You can change your beliefs if the ones you’re focusing on are negative. It doesn’t mean the negative things go away; they just become less important. It’s like focusing on the roses instead of the thorns. Everyone knows roses have thorns, just like we all have parts of us that are prickly. But it doesn’t have to be what we focus on. It doesn’t have to define us.
The two most powerful words in the English language are, “I am.” Use your power to find the positive things about yourself to focus on, to define you.
You have the power and wisdom you need to make the changes you need to make. It’s simple, even though it’s not always easy. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.