By Jennifer Fiorillo
Mental Health
Jennifer Fiorillo
The holidays bring excitement and emotions that influence how we plan and celebrate with our family and friends. Despite often being a fun and joyous time of year, the holidays can also cause a great deal of stress and amplify grief associated with those we’ve lost.
The American Psychological Association defines grief as the anguish that is experienced after a significant loss, usually after the death of a loved one. Grief is also experienced with the loss of other things including friendships, employment, financial stability or marriage.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler Ross outlined five stages of grieving in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Later she expanded the stages of grief to a total of seven by adding shock and testing to the original five. The process of grieving is not linear but more unpredictable with no timetable for the feelings that surface from experiencing loss. The stages of grief do not necessarily occur in the order outlined in Ross’s book.
Holidays can be particularly difficult for those who have experienced a loss and have not completely gone through the grieving process. A study published by the Journal of Loss and Trauma reports that 78 percent of those experiencing grief feel lonelier during the holiday season. Thirty-five percent of people don’t look forward to the holidays because of the loss of a loved one. Emotions during the holidays can become intensified for someone who has experienced a loss, and that is only compounded by the many demands that the season brings.
Certain traditions and memories of the holidays can be a reminder of those who are no longer present in our lives. There is also the potential for many triggers that are associated with those we’ve lost, including certain holiday foods, music and decorations. The idea of celebration and enjoyment may be hampered by the sadness and guilt we feel from engaging in joyous activities.
It is important for those who are grieving to allow themselves the space and time to get through the process even if it means setting certain boundaries during the first holiday without a loved one. Taking breaks in holiday planning and festivities is an option if emotions become overwhelming. Including memories of a loved one during celebrations can help make moments meaningful and allow those lost to be remembered. Surrounding ourselves with supportive people during holiday festivities can go a long way in both honoring emotions and coping with loss.
We should expect that emotions may be unpredictable and be open to leaning into them instead of resisting. With the number of demands and expectations that are placed upon us, having extra time for rest is important to help get through the season. Seeking professional support from a therapist to help navigate emotions and develop coping strategies can be a valuable part of the healing process.
Jennifer Fiorillo, MBA, MPH is the president and CEO of Bridges Healthcare in Milford, and may be reached at Jfiorillo@bridgesmilford.org.