Women with the same cancers as men live longer. Married men live longer than single men with the same cancers. It is not female hormones, or sleeping with them, that is protecting them. {{more}}It is their relationships. Years ago I was criticized for asking people what happened in the year or two before they became sick. I was told I was blaming people and creating guilt. Recent studies show that loneliness affects the genes which control our immune response. So lonely people are more likely to develop autoimmune diseases, viral illnesses and cancer. While laughter for no apparent reason improves survival statistics.{{more}}
I want women to keep their power and not live a role. I’ll make this marriage works if it kills me can kill you. Being the good girl to please parents and spouses while internalizing your feelings is self-destructive. An audience of southern women became hostile after our presentation. A friend said, “You didn’t do anything wrong. They are jealous of your relationship. Your wife can interrupt and correct you and shares the stage. They have gone from politeness to submissiveness.”
Let your heart make up your mind so that what you do feels right and is out of love. Then you and the recipient of your love benefit. When you can’t die until all the kids are married and out of the house what happens when they all move out. I watched a woman with nine kids die, 20 years after being diagnosed with cancer, when the kids left home.
One woman did a drawing titled will the real me please stand up. She is split down the middle half mommy and half professional and you don’t need to be a therapist to know which one makes her happy. So do what makes you happy and keep your power. Don’t wait to develop cancer to obtain permission. If something is threatening your health eliminate it from your life. When your health is not at risk you can change your life or your attitude. Life is a labor pain of self-birth so become a love warrior.
For men the relationship is with their job and self-image. Lose your job and, “There’s no point in living. I can’t work anymore.” That statement was made by my patient while his wife and children were sitting next to him. I know men who have committed suicide when told they can’t work or participate in sports anymore due to their illness. Any doctor who told me I can’t work would be made to write it on their prescription pad for my wife to see.
Relationships are a struggle according to my wife and an ordeal according to Joseph Campbell. They are both talking about 1+1=3. A relationship is not about what one individual wants but about a third entity, the relationship. So be sure your friends, family and doctor are willing to create a relationship you can live with and each take responsibility for. Relationships give our lives meaning and help us to heal. A sure sign of future successful relationships is that the persons involved accept criticism. They are willing to learn and apologize rather than make excuses. We become life coaches for each other.
And all relationships are significant. A study revealed if after a heart attack you went home to a house with a dog the one year mortality rate was 5 percent and when no dog present 26 percent. In nursing homes and concentration camps relationships and the will to live have an amazing effect on survival.
In conclusion as one woman said, “I had a mastectomy and a divorce. I gave up a tit and an ass.”
Dr. Bernie Siegel can be contacted at bugsyssiegel@sbcglobal.net.