Retired and Rejuvenated
By Joanne Byrne
Joanne Byrne.
The trees in the yard had grown so big, while the slide at the neighborhood playground looked so small. The walk to the elementary school seemed far less of an adventure, though the cracks in the sidewalks look achingly familiar.
How many of us have had the opportunity to go back to visit the house and the neighborhood in which we grew up? On the very few occasions I have had to visit my childhood home, I felt a little shaken by how permanent it all once seemed, yet how transient it all was.
Anyone who has gone back to the place where they once lived as a child knows what I’m talking about. Psychologist Jerry Burger, author of the book, Returning Home: Reconnecting with our Childhoods, estimates that one in three American adults over the age of 30 have taken such a trip.
I’ve returned to my childhood home in Pennsylvania a few times. The house seemed so small, and the walk to school seemed so long. And we always walked to school no matter how much snow had fallen the night before. No snow days in Erie. I remember the gulley and the creek where my brother, sister and I went sledding in the winter. I remember riding my bike endlessly up and down the street with my friend who lived across the street, discussing all the problems and solutions to a young teenage life. I remember the lilac tree in our backyard, which was always the first sign of spring. I remember a young, professional woman who lived down the street who walked home from the bus stop dressed in her business suits and high heels (young adults did not all have cars back then). I wanted to grow up to be just like her.
Burger interviewed hundreds of people who’d made the sentimental journey before writing his 2011 book.
“The desire to go back to your childhood home is really a common phenomenon” Burger said. “For most people their childhood is where they lived between the ages of 5 and 12. That’s when the biggest emotional ties occur, though, if you spend enough time in any home, you become attached emotionally.”
The psychological connection is not just to the house, but also to the place: the schools, the churches, the stores, the friend’s houses, the hiding places, the whole landscape. Where you grew up forms part of the core of your identity. All that happened there becomes an extension of you and answers in part the question: Who you are?
Burger found that there are no gender divides. Men are just as attached to their early homes as women, though women are more likely to reminisce about their early homes. As memories fade with age and time, we don’t feel as connected to that child we were. Going back home helps us to reconnect with our childhood, which is usually comforting.
If you have not done it already and your childhood home is within travel distance, you might consider making the trip. Make a list of the places you want to visit. Get a map. Don’t rely solely on your memory. Take notes and photos.
Don’t expect too much. For some, the visits are profoundly emotional, but most find the experience to be simply pleasant. Burger even suggests knocking on the door of your childhood home to introduce yourself and to tell the current occupants that you grew up there. Tell them what you remember. Some have even been invited in.
Joanne Byrne served as Senior Services Coordinator for the Town of Orange. She is now actively and happily retired. Email her at joannebyrne41@gmail.com to share your thoughts on retirement.