By Joanne Byrne
Retired and Rejuvenated
Joanne Byrne
For many extroverts who relish casual contacts with people, the coronavirus has caused a deep interruption to these encounters. The people we come across casually in our daily lives while walking the dog, standing in line at the grocery store, working out at the gym, going to the post office and taking the garbage out in the morning have become a rarity. These ephemeral connections are often a source of useful information and provide needed emotional and physical support. They often leave a smile on our faces, even if hidden under a face mask.
Under stay-at-home orders due to the pandemic in recent months, many people have lost such daily encounters. Many of us have tried to maintain at least some social contacts while following all the safety precautions through Zoom meetings, sitting on our front porches (if you still have that outdated and reminiscent structure as part of your home), or in our driveways for chats with friends.
I recently read about a book that was published 11 years ago titled Consequential Strangers: The Power of People Who Don’t Seem to Matter….But Really Do. This book was written by Melinda Belau, a science writer, and Karen L. Fingerman, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who studies the nature and effects of so-called weak ties that people have with others in their lives. These weak ties might be with the person who cuts our hair or does our nails, the employees in the small local market where we shop, the folks we see at the bus stop or on our morning walks.
The authors maintain that casual connections with people encountered in the course of daily life can give people a feeling that they belong to a community, which they describe as “a basic human need.” Consequential strangers seem to be as vital to our well-being, growth, and day-to-day existence as family and close friends. Consequential strangers anchor us in the world and give us a sense of being plugged in to something larger. They also enhance and enrich our lives and offer us opportunities for novel experiences and information beyond the purview of our inner circles. In short, consequential strangers make life more interesting.
The COVID-19 lockdowns have reminded so many of us of how important our relationships are to quality of life – not only relationships with the friends and family members we love and know well, but also with the more casual ones that help us maintain a positive outlook during distressing times. The virus has severely curtailed our ability to maintain weaker ties.
The authors research for writing the book also showed that people who are more socially integrated are also more physically active. You have to get up and move in order to run into consequential strangers. These casual encounters can also help our brains because conversations can be more stimulating than with people you know well. It is clearly the case that we need more than the close ties we older adults have.
Where we live, work, volunteer, shop and mingle has everything to do with the weak ties we cultivate and therefore our quality of life. Casual acquaintances inspire us to venture out beyond our comfort zones. Until we do, we’ll never know what we might gain from encounters with “people who don’t seem to matter.”
Joanne Byrne served as Senior Services Coordinator for the Town of Orange. She is now actively and happily retired. Email her at joannebyrne41@gmail.com to share your thoughts on retirement.