By Carolina Amore
Personal Experiences
Carolina Amore
All people crave some form of intimacy, whether it be romantic, platonic or familial. There are different levels of intimacy, all of which come down to feeling a sense of connection with the people we care about.
A healthy relationship is based mainly on a clear division between both peoples’ needs and feelings. Few people understand what boundaries are and how crucial they are to a thriving relationship.
Setting personal limits is how we tell the world what we need to function at our most comfortable pace. Some situations warrant walking outside the lines of our boundaries, such as trying a new food or participating in a particular activity.
While exceeding your boundaries can be beneficial and even gratifying at times, it is pivotal to maintain healthy limits between yourself and others. It is the foundation for every thriving relationship.
There are several different boundaries: emotional, physical, intellectual, time. All are equally important.
Emotional boundaries revolve around respecting other peoples’ feelings. An example of an emotional boundary may sound like, “When I confide in you, and you respond with judgment, I no longer feel this is an open and safe place. I cannot participate in this conversation if there isn’t mutual respect.”
Respecting someone you care for and their emotions creates a stronger bond. That bond is severed when the person sharing a vulnerable part of themselves gets treated with insensitivity and judgment.
A part of maintaining healthy boundaries is understanding what an unhealthy boundary may look like. Some people convince themselves that control is a “boundary.” If someone is trying to control another person, they set limits on what they can and cannot do.
An unhealthy or controlling “boundary” may look like this: “I don’t want to go with you to hang out with your friends because I don’t like them, and you have to stop seeing them so I can be happy.”
If this situation were met with respect, voicing a healthy boundary would look like this: “I understand you want to spend time with your friends, but I would feel more comfortable not participating. How about we meet up afterward?”
A healthy boundary has little to do with others and everything to do with yourself. It happens when you understand your needs and can speak on them respectfully and act accordingly.
Boundaries are subjective to the person who sets them. They outline how you see the world and how you expect it to treat you, and they are not lines drawn out for all to listen to.
Personal limits are set to keep you in a place of emotional and physical safety, not to keep others away or shy away from new activities. Sometimes the lines between detachment and boundaries get blurred, and sometimes perfectly realistic limits are set in place only to be pushed.
Understanding how to handle what comes next when someone pushes your limits is just as important as setting those limits. We are not in control of others; we can control what we accept into our lives and nothing more.