By David Crow
Conversations
David Crow
I had a special holiday visitor this holiday season courtesy of my big tomcat named Odin. The holiday season is Odin’s favorite time of the year. One of his favorite games is to pull the ornaments down to chase them around the floor a bit. Odin also likes to get outside on crisp winter days.
This year he really got into the holiday spirit. On one of his sojourns outside he found a friend: a little brown field mouse. I know this because Odin, being filled with the holiday spirit, brought his new friend home with him for a visit, carrying it right into the kitchen.
That in and of itself wasn’t too bad. As a cat owner I expect to get a dead mouse present from my cats every now and again. Odin had brought us such presents before. However, we soon discovered Odin was just giving his very lively friend mouse a ride. Odin decided to let it roam around the house. While Odin sauntered off to see what was in his food bowl, friend mouse explored the kitchen.
The mouse caused a chorus of high-pitched screams from my wife and daughter. The noise summoned me to the kitchen just in time to see friend mouse beat a hasty retreat under the living room sofa. My wife loudly informed me in no uncertain terms that my job was to evict friend mouse from her house.
No problem. I started to get a mouse trap from the garage to sort out friend mouse.
However, the holiday spirit asserted itself again. I received orders that friend mouse was to be relocated to the shed in the backyard to spend the holidays with the other field mice that winter in the shed while eating last spring’s grass seed. I spent a few moments trying to argue the point but got outvoted. Thus began the process of trying to evict the mouse.
I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to evict a mouse from your house without the use of a mouse trap, but let me assure you it’s not easy. Friend mouse, it seemed, had gotten comfortable under the sofa and was in no hurry to leave anytime soon. Odin sat on the sofa cleaning his feet, apparently having done his part by delivering friend mouse.
The first step would be to locate the mouse. I got a flashlight and peered under the sofa. There sat friend mouse, who wriggled his whiskers at me and scooted farther back under the sofa so I couldn’t just reach under there and grab him.
The eviction would require more aggressive tactics. I determined to employ the broom.
A broom is a good multipurpose tool. It worked well for mouse removal because as soon as I stuck it under the sofa friend mouse bolted from cover producing another chorus of high-pitched screams. Odin spied friend mouse and charged off in pursuit.
I really hadn’t counted on friend mouse being quite as mobile as he was. What followed was a kind of Kafkaesque, zigzag chase around the house wherein Odin chased after friend mouse, I chased after Odin and my wife and daughter chased after me while they alternated between screams and reminders not to hurt the mouse.
I have to give friend mouse credit. He had stamina. But finally he stumbled and Odin pounced on him. I pounced on Odin. We wrestled for possession while my wife and daughter loudly reminded me not to let any harm befall the mouse. Odin scratched. Friend mouse tried to have a go at me with his teeth. But finally I pinched friend mouse by the nape of the neck and, much to the satisfaction of my wife, escorted it out to the shed.
I am sure he spent a happy holiday with the other field mice that winter in the shed while eating last spring’s grass seed.
Until next time, Y’all come out!
David Crow is a lawyer who lives in Orange.