By Don Wetmore
Time Management
Don Wetmore
We encounter difficult people almost every day. They may be customers, coworkers, friends, family members or simply someone we happen to meet in a public place. Their behavior can increase our stress and decrease our productivity. Dealing with them can drain our time, emotional and physical energy, patience and ability to focus.
But here is the good news: In many situations, we have more control over the outcome than we realize. By changing how we respond, we can often prevent a difficult encounter from becoming a major problem – and sometimes even turn it into a positive and productive experience.
Here are three practical tactics for dealing effectively with difficult people.
1. Don’t Take the Bait
Difficult people often invite us into a confrontation. They may raise their voice, criticize us, complain or make unreasonable demands. Our natural reaction may be to fight back. Don’t.
When you respond emotionally, you give the other person control over your behavior. Instead, pause before responding. Lower your voice rather than raising it. Keep your words calm and your body language relaxed.
You might say, “I can see you’re frustrated. Let’s see what we can do about this.”
Your objective is not to win an argument. It is to prevent the situation from escalating and move toward a productive outcome.
2. Ask Questions – and Listen
One of the most effective ways to defuse a difficult situation is to ask the right questions and then listen carefully to the answers.
A difficult person may be angry about one thing but actually concerned about something else. Perhaps they feel ignored, misunderstood, disrespected or that they have lost control of a situation.
Instead of immediately defending yourself, ask:
“What is the most important thing you’d like me to understand?”
“What would you like to see happen?”
“What can I do to help resolve this?”
Then listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t prepare your rebuttal while they are talking. People are often more willing to cooperate once they feel that they have been heard.
3. Look for the Need Behind the Behavior
Difficult behavior usually has a reason behind it. That doesn’t mean the behavior is appropriate, but understanding what is driving it can help you respond more effectively.
Some people need to feel respected. Others need information, control, reassurance, recognition or simply to know that someone cares about their concern.
Rather than asking, “Why is this person being so difficult?” ask yourself, “What does this person need right now?”
Once you identify the need, you may be able to address the real problem rather than simply reacting to the behavior.
You cannot always control what another person says or does. But you can control your response.
The next time you encounter a difficult person, don’t automatically match their negative energy. Stay calm, ask questions, listen and look for the need behind the behavior. You may be surprised at how quickly a difficult situation can become a cooperative one.
Don Wetmore is a certified business coach and the author of “The Productivity Handbook” and “Organizing Your Life.” Contact him at 203-394-8216 or ctsem@msn.com.